It is known to many that I am a gamer chick that plays a mean WoW, Aion or whatever else i choose to play like currently it is STO.

In my gaming times I meet a number of people, many of whom are going to be acquaintances in passing, some will become friends and some hopefully will stay around for years to come. However every now and then I run into someone that I think is really awesome and dedicate a lot time to.  Sadly I met a few over the years that I totally misjudged and later on became to know them for what they truly are. I try to give people many chances to treat me as I treat them, with dedication, patience and genuine friendship. I am a shoulder to lean on and sometimes I can use one as well. The following is a recollection and warning for all you nice people out there if you see any of the signs in my following entry you may very well want to cut your losses and ties to the person they are not treating you well. Sadly for me while things were not going well I let them go on for months and months while looking for faults by myself, my shrink and my best friend finally opened my eyes and encouraged me to write this.

Last year Aion launched and man was I hyped, i found a guild pre-launch became very involved and very close with one of the other officers. I thought he was a really nice guy we had lots of things in common, like music taste, opinion and hobbies. In time I worked myself up to second in command, Soron, yeah we will call the person Soron for now had some rather odd working schedules, so I naturally had more time in game then him and quickly moved up to second in command in that guild, In the end the guild did not work out and Soron me and a few others split off to do our own thing, Aion did not work out as it was not the game for us and we moved on prepping for STO which was at that point a few months away, in the meantime we all spent time together doing other things. That’s the gaming recap pre-launch of STO.

Soron had some crappy online times and would not get from work till 2 am my time which was 10 pm his time, I tried keeping him up level wise by leveling his character for him every now and then and kept him company on our websites forum… a lot of company. In the end I clocked my times around to make him happy and be around when he was and I would write him sometimes 40 and more pm’s a day. Sounds time consuming? Well it was! As soon as I would not answer a pm in a timely manner he would get rather annoyed with me and send me harsh and brash notices on how its great that i am having fun and better things to do then talking to him. I am very receptive to being guilt tripped and tried double hard to make him happy apologizing profusely each time he made me believe I did something wrong. We were still playing Aion at that time, mind you I did not see how he treated me and tried very hard to make the person I thought to be my friend happy and for the most part things went ok, other then me having to run to the PC a lot and answer pms from my cellphone in order to avoid him getting angry because aparently I had better things to do. Well you know sometimes I did, I am a mother, a hard worker and have family obligations too. But hey he needed company at work so naturally I was there for him, however it was ok for him to vanish for hours or guilt trip me even though I told him before I had to go to my Tuesdays appointment or help the kid with homework.

Now you could ask yourself why does this woman put up with this crap and not walk away. I try to be a good friend I bend backwards for people I consider friends. So we were in Aion for well 3ish months before we moved on and decided to go to STO, while STO was not released yet I put a lot of work into the website and was there for Soron as entertainment whenever he demanded my attention. But in semi weekly intervals he would get all moody and lash out at me for things I had done. Well honestly what had I done dedicated major parts of my day to him while neglecting some of my duties and even other people that would like to socialize with me every now and then too.

Over time I noticed how i was just drained and sad mostly and got sick a whole lot, my shrink told me it was my body mind and soul rejecting the treatment I was receiving from my friend though sadly i was very good at ignoring the signs. So we also started that STO guild and I was made the leader but naturally Soron would never agree with the things that I suggested and actually plain out call me stupid. And while my ideas may not all have been the best some of them were rather good and our membership was happy to hear and implement them. So there was leader of a fleet and my second in command claiming he knew everything and he knew it better then me any day of the week.

Of course he did not say this bluntly no he was very subtle about things. But I am not stupid and I felt the bite packaged in soft words and very immaturely typed out LOL’s yeah all in caps. The game got released and I leveled quickly and of course Soron got hellish mad at me so I totally stopped what I enjoyed and waited for him and his shitty play times to catch up to me. Then all I would do was group with him while sleeping at day in between pm’s to not be completely out of it at night. Yeah recalling this makes me feel quite stupid. In STO however my best and closest friend we call him Miller had joined us and that’s when things got really bad. I was beingyelled at by Soron on a semi daily basis now for hanging out with my best friend. We have a ventrilo status bar on the forums and he used it to fucking track me who I was talking to and for how long. And then used the friend list function on the STO website to see who was online while I was playing. And oh boy if I did not reply within 10 minutes of him sending me a PM things would go even worse. He’d guilt trip me make sure that when he was around all I did was pay him my undivided attention and not even want to group with my best friend.

It became a burden I should have given him the finger called him a creepy stalker and walked my way then. After another fight and making up he left the fleet but sadly I did not walk away then either. Or the fight after that when I dared to hang out an evening with my best friend on Soron’s free day after he had been doing what ever the fuck he wanted all day but as soon he logged on I had to drop EVERYTHING I was doing. So he then went to dinner this evening and doing the whole guilt trippy I am not sure if I will be around tonight but you are having fun so its good thing. And yeah I went to have fun taking him by his word not the BS he actually meant. I was having lots of fun with my best friend while also under harsh medication because this whole thing was taking more then just one toll on me. I can not count the times that guy made me break down and cry hysterically and beg forgiveness. So I made up with him after that fight too. Then last Monday I had to go to bed early which I did so I would be ok for my doctors appointment the next morning. Unfortunately our dogs were going crazy barking at a stray cat and I woke up at some 4 am. I looked for Soron on msn,our website and Ventrilo he was nowhere to be seen so I shot a message to see if my best friend was awake and he was and we logged into Ventrilo to talk just him and me. Well Soron apparently had set himself to appear offline on msn… and had been on the website as an anonymous guest. Not 5 minutes after I had started talking to my best friend he made himself visible in MSN and I immediately within 2 seconds messaged him but he just yelled at me how magical my best friend and I are. I don;t even know what he meant but he was beyond coherent sentences at that point and just emotionally abusive laying into me how I should have known he was awake and online, well mind you asshole I actually checked all the places I could see if you are around or not making yourself invisible and anon will not let me figure out if you are around. But it was all my fault and I started crying again but this time in anger, all the times my best friend had warned me and my shrink had told me that this person was going to cause me much grief, it finally hit home. This was just a jealous absurd rage laying into me over things I had no fault in. Needless to say I have since them banned him from the website and taken all ability to contact me away from him when he sent me an angry text message over my phone I actually answered with /care I had quite enough of your stalking and jealous rage, you are emotionally abusive. And that is the last this person will ever hear from me in his miserable existence, and if that is how he treats his friends i really do not want to know how he treats a lover. No wonder the mother of his child left him.  I am no longer sad or angry, I am numb and indifferent but this experience will have part in how I now meet and open up to people. This is a brief recollection of the events that happened in the last 8 months I am sure there are many more fights i could have mentioned but it is pointless now.

If anyone treats you like this and then gets off on you begging for forgiveness and giving you all the fault eventhough you did everything human and inhumanly possible to be a good friend, run and run far and fast nothing good will come for it and the only regret i have that I did not kick him goodbye after two or even three of these tantrums not 15 or more.

And even if you face hardships in your life you do not treat people that care about you in this way it is a horrible thing to do. I hope he learned his lesson too but when someone is so full of themselves such hope is likely futile. DO not let anyone treat you like that you do NOT deserve it! Whatever imaginary faults they think you have it is not the case don’t beg for forgiveness.A friendship is give and take not one giving all and the other taking all demanding more and then making you feel bad for it.

Read me on the SET-F fleet forums.

I play Aion a lot though becoming rapidly disenchanted with the leveling grind.

I work on a new project as well! With someone we shall refer to as ClockWork I am working on a new Steampunk kinda setting  and our project can be found HERE. Take a look it is shaping up to be a really sweet project!

Other then that my kid is in second grade, she will be turning 8 in a few months and I am left here to wonder how in hell time could have possibly gone so fast while going so damn slow.

I am back! At least sort of, oh and Lila if you read this log into msn!

But yes the contest ended we had some winners and eventually I’ll put the stuff up while I already prepare for next months contest. Yay!

Embrace Me is doing fine… my editor is hanging way behind because he likes slacking but then again we are married and he plays games too.

So to sum things up what have I been doing.. stuff.. need to upload the stuff to the gallery at one point later today.

I have reconnected with a few people that i play with a lot, WoW, Warhammer and now CoV too. Roleplay will lure me anywhere and make me try anything… ah yes.

Anyways the new contest will start around the 15th so details will pop up around here in the next few days.

Stay tuned.. enter sign up for an account and all the other fun stuff. We got 250 USD in prizes lined up again.

<3 Merit…

More on that in a few…

I finally repaired the gallery and it again does what I want it to do, yay! Then on the side in the nav bar you can subscribe to our newsletter, also helps me test the feature as there are still a few flaws to work out with it!

Other then that revamped the site core updated stuff and all that.

For that contest… go HERE

Looking back on it all its quite amazing… Embrace me was born from a single picture made in poser to test a new bridge model and a carriage.. and out of pure boredom I put this girl… now known as Arien ( which means sun in one of the elven languages ) ibto the carriage and my mind went on a long trip.. and has not quite returned yet.

I have been working on Embrace Me for awhile now and was ready to quit several times because I had to wait on edits too long as well as me just thinking to throw the towel for no real good reason.

For the records the first part of chapter 1 has been first posted on 11-17-07 @ 9:45 pm EST which is a little over a year ago. And that’s my stroll down memory lane for today.

While I was out and about all over the states my husband fixed my graphics computer and i am in the process of reinstalling photoshop and my poser content… and naturally my music! Reinstalling photoshop makes me cringe!!! I got so much content I made for it and… installing the latest version getting my cd keys for 2 and 3 ( cs 2 and 3 that is ) updating… gah I hate doing it.. like a lot!

But yes expect new stuff in the next 5 days once i reinstalled all my stuff.